The Last Vestige of My Former Life

Hi friend in Christ!

There comes a moment in every believer’s life when something or someone from their past tries to intimidate them about their sins. It always happens when the believer’s relationship with Jesus is stronger than ever, and they have peace in their lives like never before. When all is well, accusations and reminders of past deeds attempt to derail the believer’s faith. Has that ever happened to you? If so, keep reading. I want to share a story about how my past is no match for the love of Jesus Christ. 
 
In reverence for the court, I dressed professionally in a business suit and wore a neat updo. Clasped hands and a straight back completed my outfit. Given my appearance, I imagined some of the individuals I encountered in the courtroom may have thought I had it all together.
 
They had no idea that the weight of shame and embarrassment I carried overwhelmed me. Unable to maintain my composure, tears flowed uncontrollably, leaving me unable to speak. Barely audible, I confessed my wrongdoing and pleaded guilty to assault and battery before the judge, my lawyer, and a courtroom full of onlookers. 

Despite my tearful confession, there was no redemption or forgiveness. I was guilty before a court of law, and that one awful mistake would be attached to my name and reputation forever —at least, that is what I believed. When I left the courtroom that December 2012 morning, I had no idea that the forgiveness I had hoped to receive from the court would come from Jesus.

Reflecting on that tumultuous time in my life, I couldn’t help but think of the lost sheep parable in Luke 15:4-7. The verses recount the Shepherd’s joy upon finding his one lost sheep. I find it interesting that another side to this story is rarely discussed. We know nothing about the sheep. How long was it lost before it was reunited with the Shepherd? What events caused it to stray from the Shepherd?

Mark 7:21-23 provides insight into the sins that may have led the sheep astray. It states, “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.”

I strayed. Rage and jealousy thrust me into a dark, sinful pit.  I isolated myself, not wanting anyone to know the problems in my marriage.  The more time I spent alone, the worse my behavior became until it crescendoed. I lost control and assaulted the woman, who I learned was having an extramarital affair with my husband. I had hit rock bottom.
 
My then-husband and I had stopped attending church years earlier. I could not remember the last time I prayed; yet prayer was my only hope. I cried out to Jesus. And, just like the lost sheep, the Shepherd heard my cry. He found me broken, lost, and alone. Jesus strengthened me in ways I never thought possible. Little did I know that being arrested would be the best thing that ever happened to me. 
 
When I couldn’t forgive myself, Jesus forgave me. He washed away my sins and gave me a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26, “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
 
Everything in my life changed for the better—my perspective, fresh and new.  I wanted to learn more about this Jesus, who would forgive sins.

I renewed my faith and devoted my life to studying and sharing God’s Word.

All was well until my conviction resurfaced some twelve years later.

After a layoff, I applied for a new job and felt confident I would be offered a position. But the accuser was lurking in the dark, gleefully waving documentation of my past sins. He wanted to instill shame, fear, and doubt in me. It didn’t work! Jesus had already forgiven me. I had complete faith and trust that everything would work according to God’s plans. I contacted a lawyer to submit expungement paperwork on my behalf.
 
Twelve years, three months, and two days after my assault conviction, I stood before the same judge who convicted me twelve years earlier. Again, I was professionally dressed, with my hands clasped and my back straight. This time around, I felt no shame. I held my head high with confidence because I knew Jesus was the ultimate decider.
 
The judge asked me one question: “What took you so long to request the assault conviction to be set aside?” And just like that, the last vestige of my former life was gone forever. 

My conviction was wiped clean, as if it never happened. I never doubted the outcome. Hebrews 8:12 reminded me, “For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

Jesus’ forgiveness of sins is all that matters. The world’s attempts to dwell on past deeds are futile. Take comfort in knowing that Jesus has overcome the world.

May God keep you and bless you,
Tika